The Article have been published by ICSA as a Facebook-post 2025-05-13 and in a news-letter: ICSA Today (International Cultic Studies Association).
The concepts of the golden child and the evil/scapegoated child can make us think of narcissistic parents assigning these roles in a family. However, these roles can also be assigned to adults in a cultic context, and understanding the implications of these roles can benefit cult recovery. In my clinical work, I meet people who have left a cultic environment, alone or together. They may be siblings who broke up with a narcissistic parent, they may be family who left a group as a unit, or they may be friends who withdrew from a cultic group together. Despite all the goodwill and love a survivor may receive, healing can be difficult as there are many wounds and triggers in the relationships between the former members. They might have different experiences in the same context for many reasons. In the recovery process, it can be helpful to try to understand the different roles and the dynamics among the cult leader, the golden child and the evil/scapegoated child.
In this article I look at each one of these roles—the cult leader, the golden child, and the evil/scapegoated child, and how they can interact. I give an example of these roles from recent Swedish history and note some of the benefits understanding these roles can have for helping people recover from their cultic experience.
A Note on My Therapeutic Method
In my own practice, I work with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). There are various forms of CBT, but they share a basis in research and in theory, for example in developmental psychology, learning psychology, cognitive psychology, and social psychology. As research develops, so does CBT. Today it also includes research in, for example, mindfulness and self-compassion. In CBT the therapist is active: Together with the client, we formulate goals, treatment plans, and an agenda for each meeting. CBT is a structured way of working with psychological problems, but there is also flexibility for the wishes and needs of the client. There are a wide variety of techniques like exposure, visualization, role-play, and mindfulness practices. The therapist and the client collaborate to find ways for the client to use therapy in their everyday life in the form of homework.
A common misconception is that CBT is superficial, or just about the here and now. For some problems, such as arachnophobia (fear of spiders), you may not need to explore much background. But for other problems, like trauma and chronic trauma, exploring the client’s background is central.
Psychoeducation is also a vital part of CBT. This means educating the client about the different ways to understand their problems and how to treat them. For example, a client with panic attacks is educated about how stress manifests in the body and the role catastrophic thoughts play in the development of an attack, as well as how to break the harmful cycle. There are no manuals for using CBT to treat clients coming out of cults, but in the same spirit as with other problems, it’s important for the cult client to understand what has happened to them psychologically, as an individual and as a member of a cultic group. Other benefits of psychoeducation are that it reduces magical thinking and increases the possibility of approaching issues more objectively, as the therapist can refer to research.
The Cult Leader
The cult leader as a traumatizing narcissist
In his 2014 article on the relational system of the traumatizing narcissist, Daniel Shaw describes two differing types of pathological narcissists who had, up to that point, been recognized by psychoanalytic writers. This person may be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a cult leader, and so on. Of the two types, one is the deflated narcissist, who is thin-skinned and shame-prone with fragile self-esteem, easily wounded or insulted. The other is the overinflated, grandiose, thick-skinned narcissist, who is manipulative, aggressive, exploiting, and controlling. These narcissists can be charismatic, seductive, and intensely attentive. Shaw describes the psychoanalytic view that the two types are complementary.
Behind the deflated narcissist’s self-doubt and over-idealization is hidden grandiosity—he enjoys grandiosity by proxy, or longs to do so; and behind the overinflated narcissist’s entitled grandiosity is deep insecurity and the urgent need to ward off destabilization, and often psychosis, by manipulating and controlling others who will idealize him (Shaw, 2014).
To these classic categories, Shaw adds the concept of the traumatizing narcissist that goes beyond defining a character or neurological pathology. He explains that the pathology is about subjugation of others: followers, spouses, siblings, children:
By subjugating the other, the narcissist inflates and verifies his delusional grandiosity and omnipotence. To elevate oneself by subjugating another is the essence of what I mean by traumatizing narcissism. The chief means of subjugation is objectification—using the other as one’s object to possess, suppressing the subjectivity of the other, exploiting the other (Shaw, 2014).
The core here is that the narcissists care primarily about their own needs and feelings. If someone else is expressing their needs, the narcissist will make the other person look selfish and hurtful. Shaw explains that the narcissistic parent is being both envious of and resentful toward the child’s right to be dependent and demanding. The parent will make the child feel shame for their own needs and wishes and will learn to see themself as the parent does, as greedy, selfish, or weak (Shaw, 2014).
The cult leader as a person with disorganized attachment
In her 2021 book, Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems, Alexandra Stein describes the cult leader in a similar way but uses attachment theory to understand cult leaders and how they form groups. Attachment is an evolutionary mechanism developed for survival. Being attached to a caregiver is a means of protection and just as vital as seeking after food. The caregiver becomes a safe haven where the child finds protection and can be emotionally comforted. If the parent is good enough, the child will be securely attached and thereby develop a sense of being loved and valuable and will be trusting of others. If the parent is not good enough, the child will develop an insecure attachment and struggle to feel valuable and trusting of others. The worst scenario is if the caregiver is the one who is making the child feel scared or threatened. You can’t safely escape both from and to the same person. It becomes an impossible situation where the child will be confused and may dissociate. If this becomes a pattern in the relationship, that child will develop a disorganized attachment.
Stein connects attachment theory with trauma research, explaining that disorganized attachment is a chronic trauma which will prevent the brain from adequately regulating emotions, responding to threats, and integrating thoughts and emotions. Since the dissociation is not global, a person with disorganized attachment can be highly functioning in other areas of their lives. According to Stein, this theory explains both the cult leader, who has experienced disorganized attachment in their own life, and the cult leader’s impact on followers. Regardless of what attachment pattern you grow up with, when you are recruited into a cultic group as an adult your attachment to the group will become disorganized (Stein, 2021).
Stein shows how the cult leader starts a cult by recruiting one person (person zero) by alternating love and threats, manipulating the member, and isolating them from their safe havens until the member’s attachment is disorganized. The leader’s totalitarian ideology is not the end but a means to prevent the followers from reflecting adequately on their situation, because if they did, they might consider leaving the group. Stein further explains that there are two types of disorganized attachment: the dominant, aggressive type (the leader), and the passive, obedient type (the follower). What drives cult leaders is to make sure followers are attached to the leader (in a disorganized way), in order that the leader may avoid abandonment. The cult leaders do this in the best way they know, from their own experiences.
The cult leader assigning roles as a mean of control
These two models of understanding a cult leader have in common the chronic trauma experienced by the cult leader. Their own developmental trauma has resulted in well hidden low self-esteem and fear of being abandoned. Their behaviors look very much the same with lack of empathy, guilt, or regret; having a shallow charm; being egocentric, manipulative, lying, and grandiose. With this background, it’s easier to understand why they put so much effort into controlling their followers. There are many ways to assert control in a manipulative way. Assigning different roles is only one aspect of the control system.
The Golden Child and the Evil/Scapegoated Child
Research on narcissistic parents indicates that there are generally two types: the disinterested and the controlling. The disinterested parent loses interest in the child if the child does not provide the parent with continuous confirmation and flattery. On the other hand, if the child is successful, they will become a trophy. The controlling parent is obsessed with the child, monitors them, and finds it very difficult to respect their boundaries and autonomy. Both these types have low tolerance for failure. The child the parent prefers is regarded as a “golden child,” is seen as having all the virtues of the parent and is expected to give the parent prestige (Perrotta, 2020).
Other researchers describe how narcissistic families with several children will designate one of them a golden child who is to be perfect in everything. The child “becomes a property and an extension of his parent who projects on him all the grandeur and perfection, as his images” (Costin, 2020).
The opposite role is the scapegoat. That child is denigrated and humiliated, “permanently triangulated, i.e. compared, placed in the shadow of the golden child to accentuate his self-doubt and discourage him from any attempt to threaten this pathological model” (Costin, 2020).
If the golden child rebels against the expectations of the parent, their status can change to scapegoat. In the most dysfunctional families “the parent can incite the golden child to mistreat the scapegoat child” (Perrotta, 2020).
In a cultic context these roles can be assigned to children and/or adults. The “golden child” becomes a role model for the other followers, and the “evil child” or scapegoat is a person you can blame for everything that goes wrong. The leader can focus on this scapegoat to avoid recognizing their own shortcomings. These roles can quickly change and can shift between family or cult members at the whim of leadership.
In CBT we often talk about behaviors in terms of what function they fulfill for the person and how they affect other people and relationships. This approach can be used to explore the functions of different roles in a cult and help the client make these links and connections. When I do this with my clients, I give examples of the different functions and outcomes when the leader is assigning the roles of the golden child and the evil child in a cultic group.
The golden child
Assigning someone the role of the golden child has several benefits for the leader. This person presents proof to the other members that it’s possible to come close to the goal of being a successful member and that the leadership and the ideology are working.
On the other hand, there are also considerable risks with having an adult golden child. The golden child can get too popular and, in the end, replace the leader. The cult leader may try to minimize the risk of replacement and abandonment by damaging the potential attachment between the golden child and other members. This is a common technique of cult leaders, separating parents from children or spouse from spouse so the relationship with another person does not jeopardize the relationship with the cult leader.
I experienced this firsthand in my own cult experience, which was in the Unification Church. A local leader in New York tried to make us more loyal to him than to the leader Moon himself. When this was revealed, the local leader was kicked out. We were told he had been attacked by Satan and therefore we should not have any contact with him. We were sent to a camp in upstate New York to learn to see him as the devil and reinforce our attachment to Moon. Once the golden child became a risk to the leader, he was turned into an evil child.
Another way of minimizing the risk a golden child presents to the leader is to give the golden child a role which other followers not only are impressed by, but also fear. For example, the golden child may be held up as an example of good behavior and assigned the role of teaching others how to be good members. The golden child is often also turned into an informer, reporting to the leader on other members’ behaviors. In the manipulative language of the Moonies, the leader Sun Myung Moon and his wife were called “the True Parents,” and the followers then automatically became their “children”. The informer system was presented as helping “brothers and sisters” to follow the right path, and if they did not, telling “mom or dad” about it by giving the information upwards to the closest leader.
Since the goals always are unrealistic, the golden child will always ultimately fail, or at least not reach the leader’s goals. This may lead the leader to put pressure on the golden child to do whatever it takes to achieve results. By now the golden child is often desperate and may use the same behaviors as the leader to punish harshly those who fail or do not obey. In many cases the punishment is a direct instruction. The golden child becomes a punisher, an offender. A golden child knows that if they decline to be an informer or a punisher, the leader will be furious and severely punish what is seen as betrayal. Falling from grace is worse than never having grace. The stakes are higher. The golden child is in a trap. There is no way out. They will be severely punished, possibly become the evil child, or be ostracized or kicked out of the group with nowhere to go since they have probably by now burned all their bridges to the world outside.
The evil child
It is also beneficial for the leader to make followers obedient by setting an example of what happens when they do not obey. This can be done by creating a scapegoat or an “evil child”. The leadership chooses someone to blame for what are really their own mistakes or shortcomings or as a distraction from uncomfortable situations. The leader can take this one more step, by choosing as a scapegoat someone who is loyal and hardworking and does not see the attack coming. This instills fear in everyone–anyone can at any moment with no obvious reason be degraded or even kicked out. In an evil twist, the golden child can be pressured to punish whoever the leader doesn’t like, and the rest will most likely follow, heaping criticism on the designated scapegoat.
How roles change behavior and self-image
Being assigned a role may also change one’s self-image. In social psychology we learn that we define ourselves by our behaviors. If you can change someone else’s behavior, you can also change their self-image. Someone assigned the role of golden child or a role model, being praised and rewarded, may come to view themselves as superior to other members, as special and chosen (by the leader), the one with good results. Harsh behavior towards others and reporting on their misdeeds are defined as being a good and loyal member which strengthens one’s self-image. You learn to think and act like the leader, regarding your own feelings, needs, and boundaries as expressions of selfishness/ego/demons that you need to try to get rid of.
A person assigned the role of evil child or scapegoat may come to believe they are a bad person. I have met people who have been punished psychologically, physically, and socially (criticized or ostracized) by the whim of the leader, and they become desperate to get accepted again. They behave as if they did something terrible to earn humiliation and punishment, which in turn strengthens their self-image as an evil person.
To understand this dynamic, it is helpful to apply Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence (Cialdini, 2021). One of these is the principle of reciprocation. First you give a person something, like a favor, or an unsolicited gift—as when a charity sends a free tote bag or calendar. Later you ask for something in return. The charity wants a donation. It will be difficult to turn that request down, since we usually are raised with the understanding that we need to repay what another person has provided. If not, we will feel guilt. This becomes manipulative when something is presented as a favor or a gift, but in fact it is a way to make you feel obligated to say yes to the request as a way of repaying the original gift.
Another principle of influence is that we first induce someone to make a small commitment; then we make a request for a larger commitment. Because humans desire to seem consequent to ourselves and to others, the victim may be more willing to agree to the larger request to be consistent with their prior commitment. The trick is to make the victim change their behaviors in many small steps because small steps are easier to accept. Once you take the first step, a sense of commitment is created which drives us to accept the next request. And the next one. Every step strengthens our commitment, and along with the new behaviors we change our self-image.
An example of this is, when I met the Moonies, my first step was to go to an open house, and later sign up for a seven-day camp. When I also signed up for the 21-day camp, my handsome new teacher saw me writing a letter to a friend, looked at me very seriously, and said: “Now that you committed to take this seriously, taking time and energy to write letters is not serious.”
In a cultic framework, first you are given attention, love, and a sense of community and acceptance. Later, as you transition from recruit to follower, the leader will ask more and more of you. As you achieve higher standing, you may be used as an example for others—that is, you become a golden child, and may be given the job of punishing followers. You will rationalize your cruel actions as beneficial because they support the leader and reinforce their ideology. Your loyalty to the leader is strengthened, and your bond with others is weakened. All this will impact your self-image. You are ‘helping’ others to do the ‘right’ thing, go to heaven, and avoid hell or being a self-centered person.
An example: The cult Knutby Filadelfia
One tragic example is the cult Knutby Filadelfia, a Pentecostal Swedish congregation located in the village of Knutby. The group became the most media-covered group in Swedish history because of what was disclosed in public trials. I attended the two first open trials, and I have met members, their relatives, and former members. Several books have been written by members and leaders. What I share here is information from the public trials and books. This story contains many twists and turns illustrating how the roles of leader, golden child, and evil/scapegoated child may function in a cult. I mention a few.
The group was led by several pastors. The top leader, a woman named Åsa, was referred to as the “bride of Christ” by the inner circle. Second in command was a male pastor, Helge.
Åsa was married to another pastor, while Helge was married to Alexandra, a member low in rank. While married to Alexandra, Helge became attracted to Sara, a pretty woman in the congregation. In the beginning Sara was regarded as spiritual, funny, and kind. Thanks to her devotion and personality, and to Helge’s status and his attention to her, Sara quickly rose in rank, becoming a golden child. Over time, Helge slowly manipulated Sara. For example, he claimed to be physically sick from battles with the devil and that only in Sara’s presence and with her prayers could the dark forces be defeated. For months Helge summoned Sara to his bedroom to pray. Eventually, Helge told Sara that having sex was a part of the battle, a covenant, and an act of obedience.
The sexual relationship was not revealed to the other leaders until much later. Helge explained that he had heard from God in a dream that his wife Alexandra would die. He also said that one of his children dreamt that he should marry Sara (Gembäck, Sohlander, 2020). This was a shock to the other pastors. Åsa, the “bride of Christ,” reacted by attacking Sara, calling her a temptress, and saying that Helge had been weak when he succumbed to Sara. Because of Åsa’s accusations, Sara was totally ostracized by the congregation; she went from golden child to evil child. However, Sara was allowed to continue to pray with Helge.
Later, Helge found a new secret lover, Anette. To clear the way to marry her, Helge again abused his power by manipulating Sara to kill his wife and Anette’s husband. He did this by convincing Sara this was the only way for Sara to get grace from God. Fortunately, Anette’s husband survived the attempt on his life. Pastor Helge was convicted of incitement to murder and attempted murder and sentenced to life in prison. Sara, convicted of murder and attempted murder, was sentenced to forensic psychiatric care. The murder and attempted murder show that being assigned the role of the evil child and therein being severely manipulated, isolated, and pushed to the limit, can end in disaster.
Pastor Helge also exemplifies being changed from golden child to evil child. Initially the congregation remained loyal to Helge even when he was taken into custody after the murder. It was not until his new mistress, Anette, confessed that she had an affair with Helge that they turned against him. The leader highest in rank, Åsa, the bride of Christ, called him “a serpent in paradise” and the whole congregation followed her. By blaming everything that went wrong on Pastor Helge, the group avoided looking at itself, or changing its leadership.
In fact, today we know that the culture of the inner circle became even worse after the murder. Many years later, the group imploded when Åsa and two other pastors were convicted of crimes including assault and sexual exploitation of a person in a dependent position. Testimonies again revealed the dynamic of assigned roles. Åsa, being assigned the exalted position of the bride of Christ, punished others psychologically and physically. She boasted that her hands hurt from hitting people, and she even made her victims apologize.
The cult Knutby Filadalfia is a tragic example of how the roles of the golden child and the evil child can change quickly, and the harm these roles can do to both those who have them, and those they control.
Understanding These Roles Can Facilitate Empathy, Forgiveness, and Restored Relationships
In the process of leaving a cultic group and trying to recover, those designated as the good and the evil child may face various difficulties. The roles affect their relationships with other former members, and their relationships with people outside of the group. For example, a person who was always the scapegoat can have the impression that the golden child did not suffer, and may also regard the golden child as evil, thinking that they themselves would never treat someone else in such a cruel way. On the other hand, the person who was the golden child and was forced to punish others can drown in guilt without seeing that they were also a victim.
My experience as a therapist is that discussing these roles and understanding their dynamics can be helpful in recovery from a cultic group experience. When former members can see that they were all pawns in a cruel game, they may develop understanding and empathy with each other’s difficulties. The situation is not black and white. Understanding these different roles, those of the cult leader, golden child, and scapegoat, can be a basis for working with shame, guilt, and fear; can facilitate forgiveness; and, in the end, may even facilitate restoration of relationships. Of course, in extreme cases, a relationship may be neither appropriate nor possible. Clients need to build or reclaim their identity and learn to respect their own feelings and boundaries. Forgiveness might not be possible, but at least their story can be more comprehensible.
About the Author:
Helena Löfgren is a licensed psychotherapist (CBT) and has a Bachelor of Psychology. She is also a former member of the Unification Church in New York. lofgrensanalys.se/en/english
References
Cialdini, R. (2021). Influence: The psychology of persuasion. Harper Collins.
Costin, A. (2020). Social and educational implications regarding the raising of children in narcissistic families: Theoretical approach. Journal plus education, 27(2), 50-62.
Gembäck, P., & Sohlander, A. (2020). Knutby inifrån: Så förvandlades pingstförsamlingen till en sekt. Ekerlids förlag.
Perrotta, G. (2020). Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: Definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments. Journal of clinical cases and reports, 4 Clinical review (85), 12-25.
Shaw, D. (2014). The relational system of the traumatizing narcissist. International journal of cultic studies, Vol. 5, 2014, 4-11.
Stein, A. (2021). Terror, love and brainwashing: Attachment in cults and totalitarian systems. Routledge.